Autism Speaks

Just yesterday my son was diagnosed with Autism (High Functioning or Asperger to be more specific). I'm having a mix of emotions right now. I'm content to have answers to my questions but at the same time I worry about my son's future. Even though I had my suspicions for more than a year ago it really didn't hit me until I saw the diagnosis in black and white.

I know that with the appropriate therapies he will do good, but I can't help feeling sad. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by all these emotions, I can't seem to concentrate at work and all I can think of is my son. I'm trying so hard to focus on all the good things within the circumstances but the motherly instinct is taking over me; but I can't afford to fall apart, I can't let it take away my strength. He's the same loving child I had before I knew of his disorder.

I just put up a picture of him on my desk at my office and I look at his smile and it melts me, those eyes seem to stare at me, something that he does only for a fraction of a second every once in a while when he's with me. I try to imagine his future, one with friends, best friends, and birthday parties where he's playing with other kids, and it terrifies me the idea of him not being able to have all that. It scares me the possibility of my son not being able to have a family when he grows up. I know, I need to trust in the Lord and put my son's life in his Hands, but it's so hard not to think of all those things.

I thank God that is not a life threatening illness, and that whether he recovers from this disorder a 100% or not, with God's protection, I will have him in my life for the rest of my days.

Sometimes I just wish things were different, I know that what's coming is not going to be easy, but I am willing to fight this battle, I am willing to do everything and anything that I can.

I know that God has a purpose for me and for my son, and whatever that may be, I will follow through.